A few weeks ago I was invited to a "Slumber Party". I was hesitant to accept the invite via Facebook, I mean I have never been to one. I had tons of questions running through my mind " What do you do there?" , " Do you wear pajamas?" , " Can I make it though the night without peeing my pants laughing?" I told David and asked his opinion.
" Sure, go ahead , it will be fun for you to get out of the house and away from the kids."
" REALLY?What am I supposed to do at one of these things?"
" Bring a camera and take a picture. You know just in case there is any lesbian stuff that goes on."
I looked at him with my mouth hanging open...then I slap his arm.
"DAVID! You perv, that's gross!."
Since becoming a mom I have kinda put sexuality on the back burner. Almost to the point of being prudish, this should be interesting.
The day finally comes, and my friend AC comes by my house to pick me up. We drive over to the house where it is being held. We walk in right as they are getting started, grab some appropriately themed snacks....little wieners wrapped in bread, baguettes with sliced cucumbers on top and cupcakes with little penises and boobs on them. The spread was truly adorable. I go and get settled in as they start showing off the products. The table is set up with all kinds of bottles and tubes, they look very benign.Until they start explaining them. For the most part I can't stop giggling and making silly comments. I couldn't help myself! They were trying to sell me things like nipple tingling cream that doubles as chapstick, shaving cream for (the lady parts) that double as conditoner ( excuse me .. there is no way I am applying something called "Coochie" to my hair... thats on my head)and anal numbing cream that doubles as a tooth pain reliever.....umm yeaaa.. NO. They pull out this candle that melts into a massaging wax... picture the Ricky Martin "Living La Vida Loca" music video. Sorry these things just don't fit into my get it anytime, anywhere before the kids find us sex life. After this it is time for a break.
When we came back they had taken the very mild creams and lotions off the table and replaced them with some very, ahem, well lets just use out imaginations here. I am blushing now as I think about them. Some were brightly colored and non threatening. Some were... OH MY! After some joking about the ...hehehe.... "DOUBLE HEADER" hehehe.... ( imagine me right now giggling till I snort) The woman running this thing informs us it's time for a game. Yay! I love games! I am so competitive; I just know I am going to win whatever this is.
" OKAY! Game time!" She reaches to the table...(oh god, no she isn't.... oh yes she is.. OH LOWRD)
She grabs the MONSTER (EEEKKK!!!)
( What the hell did I sign up for???)
The gist of the game: Get in a circle of other slightly tipsy women, place this... mammoth thing between the first woman's legs, and pass it from person to person without using your hands.. until the music stops. Kinda like.... musical chairs but with a (......hehehehe....DOUBLE HEADER....hehehe)
The game begins and goes on until it is between me and another woman.. down to the wire... go me , go me, go me..
Music stops and I still have it between my legs.... OWWW lost it. Better luck next time.
The evening ends, snacking on the left over food and chatting before going home. All in all it was ... not as vanilla as the rest of my life. (Who am I kidding , the last thing my life is vanilla.. but you get the picture.)