Saturday, January 22, 2011

The Loser Bawling on the Elliptical

Greetings from the elliptical! I am here at the gym... sweating it out because dress shopping day is Monday. I wanted to give up 45 min ago, but making snarky observations has kept me busy. Here in the cardio section it's like a giant orgy at lunchtime. Seriously, it's a bunch of people getting hot and sweaty together, grunting and panting. Dude.. the walls are sex red , thats all you need to know. All this happening to songs by the Stones, Hendrix and (shudder) The Doors. Thats whats going on in my ears at least.
  Anyways here I am humping it (nice play on words,huh?) up hill (incline.. whatever) when all of the sudden Simon and Garfunkle's "Sounds of Silence" comes on.
OKAY... breathe.... breathe....
My eyes start misting up.
Keep cool....Keep cool... breathe...
I can't help but being emotional while hearing this song. This was one of the songs David and I listened to while painting Baby's nursery, another tear jerker from that night? Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide".
I start mouthing the lyrics, going back to that late night in September. I can still see it, Baby stretching and kicking, the open window even though it was 90f outside. David carefully taping,cutting and rolling the room while I keep him company. The smell of fresh paint, clear as if it where happening now.

Okay loser keep it together! You don't want anyone to notice
......WHEW!...... Thank God that's over, next song........

It's "Over the Rainbow/ What a Wonderful World" by that fat hawiian guy. Now there is no way I am getting out of the water works.

Okay.. breathe... breathe.... nope.. noooo!!!!
My eyelids are burning , stinging. Face scrunching up...
The first tear escapes... then another ...

Fuck it, Here we go. I am still running but now there is a slideshow of my kids and David flooding my brain.
Run, tear, run, tear .... wipe eyes, run, run , more tears wipe.

Oh no, now people are starting to stare, but I don't care. I am too wrapped up in the snapshots in my head. Now I am in a full blown sniffling , snotty, ugly cry.
Red eyes, snot running tears jerking ..
 Okay.Whew.. its over,whats next?
"Candle in the Wind". What is up with this station I created!?!?! Next station! Next station!!
 So yeah , I am that emotional crying woman now. Damn you therapy(shaking fists at the sky) Now instead of suppressing and turning to anger... I FEEL things now.
And now I cry on ellipticals looking like a mentally deranged person. But I don't care... I am happy.

As I conclude this , "Let it Be" is playing, I never changed the station . Perfect here come more tears.


  1. Sometime all you need is a good cry to put whatever may be on your mind at ease! Hope you enjoyed your workout ;)

  2. Ok so Krista as your sister this is bad when I haven't gotten through the blog and your crying over the songs wow....

  3. I would've totally made fun of you... if I didn't know you, of course. :)