Sunday, April 17, 2011

Krista is an Idiot

I wonder if there will ever come a day where I can stop writing these... I doubt it. Until then I will continue to fill you in on all the ways I am an idiot. Thursday I was an overbooked, distracted kind of idiot. Nothing major.. just the usual stress induced idiocy.

For example... I woke up late ( HAR HAR HAR... what's strange about that?ANYWAYS...) , thankfully we have been raising the kids to be independent. This means by the time my feet hit the floor in the morning they are dressed, lunches packed when they are packers and more recently they have fed themselves. Or more accurately Picky has made cereal for everyone. It might seem weird to you that I am not doing all this myself. It really isn't. I have done this the past (nearly) 8 years. Picky being able to master things and move within his world independently is important to all of us. He loves being able to do things without me over his shoulder, and I feel like it is better preparing him for a world without me ( just this thought makes me tear up, but I have 10 more years with him, and if you think of how fast the last 8 have gone by... its not enough :(        ) 
 So I rush the kids out the door after they are done eating and getting shoes and book bags on. I don't have time to drive them, otherwise it wouldn't be so hectic. I can't be late because I need to get the little and baby boys ready and in the car in 30 min. so I can get to my sisters house , pick up crazy eyes and take him to work while their car is in the shop.
(WHEW! This is hectic but I can manage!) I get it done in record speed and am on the road in no time at all.
(FUCK YEAH! If you have ever made plans with me post baby number 3 you understand this is unheard of)

   I am cruising down the road , having a good time , rocking out to something hardcore I am sure (ahem... looks around SHHH! It was really Lady Gaga.SHHH!)At a stop light I text Lala ( I didn't do it while actually driving, safety first!) telling her I will there in a few. I am HALF way there when she texts me back... "found a ride last night... oops should have told you.. sorry."

GWAARRRRRAHHHH!!!!! Are you FUCKING kidding me... are you serious. DO you know how HARD it is to do what I just did???( never mind it could have been harder had I not raised my kid to be self reliant.) I busted my ass trying to get the kids on time, and get Doodle and Baby ready... and myself in less than 30 min. Do you know how much work that is????? And to say it was all in VAIN????? RRRRR!

Oh well I am close to the store I needed to get jeans from ( since my fatty jeans literally fall off of me. Go me!!!) Might as well make the best it!

I stop off at Davids mom's so I can drop off her glasses she left at my house. Mistake... she is a gabber for sher! This puts me way behind schedule , and now baby needs to be nursed.... and I need gas. Ugh! I have somewhere to be at 11... and it is now 10am. I get to the store, unload the kids start grabbing what I think is my size, try them on, then I run around trying to find flip flops for the ENTIRE family. Doodle is walking and getting into crap. UGGHH! Stop touching EVERTHING. He won't, he is happily prancing around the store in his witch dress. I get him to move it to the register so I can pay...I look at the time 1043am SHIT! Got to get a move on. I text the person I have plans with and let her know my folly. It's cool she says. I run home to change and to get Doodle in some clothes. I run out of the house and start driving down the street...Oh crap forgot my phone.... I reverse half way up the street , almost hitting my neighbors mailbox in the process. Ooops. I pull into the drive , thank GOD! I remembered to forget something, otherwise I would have forgot to shut the front door. SIGH. I am an Idiot...
  I gets better, I get to the park and find my friend. She tells me where everyone else is and asks if I could tell them to start heading to where she is. I find a group of mommies eating lunch with their babies and tell them "Hi! My name is Krista and so and so says to start heading over when you are ready."
   Why are they looking puzzled... " So and so says she's ready for us... over there..." I point to my friend.

One looks up at me and says "Who?"

"So and so?"

"Sorry... we don't know a so and so..."

Oh wow! This is real awkward.
"Oh oops sorry...."
Wow, I feel so silly right now. I tell my friend what happened and she tells me " I told you they are there."

"OOps sorry, I wasn't paying attention to anything you said to me, sorry."

Sigh, alone these things aren't that bad, but all together in a matter of 3 hours , its pretty over whelming. If I actually took the time to recount these things in full detail it would have been worse. But I am on vacation and I have been doing this an hour already and now I am being harassed to wrap it up and go to breakfast. Ok.. well I am the one harassing everyone else...but whatever. Have a Happy Sunday!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Men v. (Wo)Men

David and I have this on going debate, Who is better/faster/smarter/stronger, man or women? I say women , he calls me a man hater. He says men, I say he is a chauvinist. Anyways there was a Dr. Phil episode on this very subject last week. We sat down and watched it together. All the while David is saying it's a crock, that this is the propaganda of men hating women. That women are out to prove all me are shit. I agree, not all men are shit.... just most. They came to the topic of pain tolerance, and of course they bring up one of the most painfully experiences a human could have... CHILDBIRTH! If you have ever had a baby , you know... it hurts like a MOTHER FUCKER! Literally, your insides are ripped out. My vagina hurts just thinking about it ,eck.
Anyways, I agree with the commemorators , woman have a high pain tolerance. 


  . 


David keeps going on abouthow the media is trying to keep the narrative going that mean are dumb, and weak, or whatever, and how he could handle child birth is he had to (sorry, I love you and all but... no). He is holding Baby in the air whilst railing against evil women ( I take pride in my evil thank you very much). I look at him just in time to see the curdled milk go from Baby's mouth... to his.

"Ahhh! OH MY GOD, Get me something, get me something QUICK." 
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...HAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
"Stop laughing at me and HELP! This is fucking disgusting!" He doesn't look nearly as amused as I am.
" HAHAHA, Weren't you JUST talking about how strong men were, and that you could handle child birth? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"SHUT UP! This is soo different!Now please get me a towel!"

I am sorry, I am kinda evil. I thought this was hilarious. Sorry David.... Baby puke is so not on the level. I think for now we have come to a conclusion in this debate.. for now.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

No More Online Gaming Co-Ops for You!

Saturday was a horrific day in our therapy session. Let's say there was more than a few choice words, raised voices and ended with a bang. That bang would have been me throwing my purse across the room at David and David storming out of the room. After the dust settled we were able to calm down and start working with each other. We needed some time alone to start mending the bridge we have been burning on both ends. Scumbag had to work so on his weekends I am his childcare (but when I need childcare... I have to figure it out, nice huh?). Thankfully I have Lala. She was able to take the kids overnight, which ended up being a true life saver.
Before we took the kids over I wanted them to clean their rooms ( huge pet peeve is a messy kids room).  They were in the room and were supposed to be cleaning ( Ahaha right...) I was in the kitchen washing the dishes and I hear yelling and screaming. Grr, damn it just pick up the toys and make your beds , without having me mico-manage.

 I yelled up the stairs "KNOCK IT OFF! Clean your rooms or no hot tub at Lala's!"
 I turned around to finish what I was doing, then I hear Doodle yelling at Picky , while stomping down the stairs.
"Dat's bad Picky I teewing mommy at you!"

Ugh! Christsakes once, I would like the peace to actually do housework.

" What is it now Doodle?"

"Mommmmy! Picky huwrt meeee."

Sigh,"What did he do baby?"

" He teabagged me."

Did he just say..... " He did what???"

"He teabagged me so hawrdely."

"HE DID WHAT??????"

He is looking at me like I am the biggest idiot." He Teabagged me too hard. You are only supposed to do it gentelwey. Not too much harder."

Oh God.

"Picky! Get down here NOW!!!!!"
 He scrambles down the stairs and asks what I want.

"What did you do to Doodle?"

" I dunno...."

" Don't play games with me. What happened?"

"I teabagged him. "

I can't help still looking completely shocked.
"Exactly what did you do to him? What does 'Teabagging" mean to you?"

"I teabagged him. That means I sat on him and jumped up and down on his stomach."

" Oh, whew, .... Don't do that again! You could hurt him. Now CLEAN UP!"

Oh boy! I thought he really meant he had pulled out his ... ah-hem... and well you know....
 Anyways, he didn't do "IT" but that means I need to monitor the content coming into this kids hands. Ugh, when does it end?

Thursday, April 7, 2011

There's a Liberty Bell Sized Crack on my Wedding Bells

  I have't been in much of a bloggy mood.Things have been really stressful/ hectic. Soccer season is in full swing now and I have two kids going in two different directions. I have been trying to maintain my gym schedule in between games and practices. David and I have been feeling the pressures of the wedding, especially the budget.  It has been the underlying source of our fights recently. We are both afraid to take the plunge, for many reasons. Our parents divorce, the painful break up with his last fiancĂ©e, and my divorce. All those tragic event have left their scars and there is no tube of Mederma that is big enough to erase them.
  
    Monday night we got into a huge fight. There was lots of yelling and screaming after a day of sulking and stewing. He decided to call off the wedding, and it enraged me to the point of violence. We have decided to stay together and raise the kids. We are good friends, and loving parents, we want whats best for the kids. I really appreciate the fact that we agree on doing this together. He is a good man and a great dad. I am dealing with this, what are my options. I am in a lot of pain but I am working of forgiving his, as he has forgiven me. It is what it is. I still love him and he loves me and I am thankful for whatever time we have together. During this time I am looking into working part time and possibly going to school. I am going to keep blogging because I love you guys :) Don't be sad for me, because I am okay.