Monday, March 7, 2011

 Money. What can I say about it that hasn't already been said? Nothing. I don't have any new insight on the subject, nor do I have anything but a basic knowledge of it. It is vast, and complicated , and we all need it. Most of us love it, even if we refuse to own up to it. Money makes the world go 'round , is the root of all evil and the number 1 reason for divorce in America. Guess what? I am an American, and I am supposed to be getting married soon. So this fact is relevant to me. I have entered a situation where I am taken care of by my fianc√©, He makes and handles all of the money. He feels like it would be a burden to me, I think it is one thing he holds so we are never truly equal. Or he doesn't like to be questioned or criticized, or maybe even hiding something. Who knows. I feel like I should , and that's the problem. We are getting married, two becoming one, uniting our mind, body, soul... blah blah blah and whatever other stupid euphemism you can come up with. The fact is... we are getting MARRIED, taking the last few steps in making our lives even more complicated by legally joining our finances. Don't get me wrong... there are benefits to getting married, tax break ( although small, it is a plus... right?) And say when he finally snaps and murders someone... I can't testify against him. For the most part though (outside of any sentimental value, which is priceless, love of my life) it's a fucking hassle.
    First there it getting to the engagement. Then there is planning the wedding. If you have ever done it you understand how stressful it can be. Then there is AFTER the wedding planning ( no, not raunchy, rampant sex EVERYWHERE) you know... the rest of your married life planning. That seems to be the humdinger. We have been in marriage therapy for almost 2 years. It's tough for us, not only because we are blending two lives, two ways of thinking and two ways of being, but because we both come from broken homes. Some of you out there have met my you know why I am so fucked up :P 
   The biggest (one of them... top 3 if you must rate) problems we have is MONEY. Who handles it, how it is allocated, who brings it in and who spends it the fastest. We have two very different ways of handling it. I was taught by my dad (THANK GOD , that's all I need to say... because again.. some of you know my mom) , cash and carry, save your pennies and one day you will have a dollar. He was raised by depression era parents and it trickled down to me, and it is probably why Scumbag didn't go down into a ball of flames faster. David... well I have NO idea how he deals with money other than spend, earn... need to spend more? Need to make more. It's like he is having a private concert while I am behind the locked gate, even though I have a ticket. Anyways it's frustrating, and I am done for now , because as usual the kids waited until I am here doing something for myself , to start crying, fighting and NEEDING me. 

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