Monday, May 7, 2012

Fuck You Friday


(Audible sigh)

Seriously fuck Friday (May the 4th....be with you hehe)
Sometimes day start off as shit...and the shit keeps rolling, until you are just praying that you make it through the day without killing someone.

Okay, so my day wasn't that bad, I mean my family is still happy , healthy and wealthy and that's what matters.
Right? It was still a sigh worthy day, one that left David and I just wanting to crawl into bed at 9:30pm.

As most of you know, I am a lover of sleep. I am one of THOSE  moms. I don't do cheerful wake ups with a hot breakfast waiting on the table. I wish to God I was for my children's sake, but I'm not. I am more of a wake up 20 minutes before the bus comes, check over their lunches ( otherwise I will get ANOTHER note home telling me my son packed half a bagel, a fist full of cereal and a juice box.) do a run down of the chores they were supposed to fulfill and run them to the bus stop 2  min before it arrives. I've been at this 9 years and frankly I'm worn out. So I like to rest when I can.

Yesterday the kids woke up an extra 45 minutes early. That means an additional 30 minutes of time to fuck stuff up. Which is such a pain in the ass when you are tying to keep a narcissistic, cantankerous toddler asleep as long as humanly possible (or 9am , whichever comes first). This is how our morning went:

6:50 am- Princess and Picky by my bedside: "MOM!" "Mommy!"
"What?"
Princess hands me Picky's piggy bank
"Open this, please."

"Why?"

Picky " We need $2."

" I have your lunch money in Dad's wallet."

Picky "But Princess wants to buy a squinky from N ( neighbor kid from Princess' class) for $2! It's a great deal Mom! It's a very rare Power Ranger one!"

"WHAAATTT?!?! Hell no! you are not paying $2 for a toy you can get for $.25 in a vending machine, and even that is a rip off because it costs a small Cambodian child -$.05 to make it.! What time is it anyways?"
Look at cell phone...
"CHRIST!! Its not even 7 am! What are you doing up so early?"

Princess " You put us to bed early... remember?"

Last time I do that! " Go to Princess' room and play until its 7:45"

Nestle back into my pillow nest ( I need at least 6 pillows to sleep)

"MOM!!!!!"

Damn it, now what? "WHAT?"

"Doodle went into the babies room and got a toy!"

"HE DID WHAT???"

"He went into the babies room to get a toy."

"Where is he now."
From around the corner I see his shit eating grin from my nest.

"See. I gota matching toy." ( a musical necklace from McDonalds, with another one with the little mermaid on it)

"OH MY GOD! Doodle! You aren't even supposed to leave your room until AFTER the bog kids get on the bus!"

Princess " He went in Babies room and even turned the light on!"

With that I hear a faint "eeewaaaahhhhh" from down the hall.

"DAMN IT! Go back to your room and stay there until I get you out."

I go get Baby and put him in bed to nurse him , hopefully he will want to go back to sleep after this.

Nope. Fat chance, even though he is up an hour and a half early. He throws himself about the bed screaching "Momma, MOMMA! MEEEEAAAAAHHH"

I go downstairs and find David in the kitchen where is is assessing the damage.
" I am glad you didn't see this 5 minutes ago. "

"How could this have looked any worse?"

The kids apparently ate a crack cupcake and went APE SHIT! There were cereal boxes (yes plural, like one box wasn't good enough.and they thought 4 was the magic number.) all over the table and counter. cereal pieces all over the table and counter and ground into the rug, someone dumped a box of sandwich bags out in the pantry, there were condiments strewn over the counter tops.   With all the carnage and mayhem I was witnessing, David tells me it was worse??

I sit baby down in his highchair with a sippy of orange juice and some food while I help David clean up. Apparently he didn't like the sippy so he took off the lid and dumped it all over himself. Then he took the food I so lovingly prepared for him ( in the toaster) and dumps it all over the floor.
"MEEEEEE! NOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Seriously?
Thankfully it was FINALLY time to get the kids on the bus, so I ran the kids to the stop while David cleaned the mess. The baby was cranky all day and Doodle was a pill, so nap time came early. The day had more bumps than a teenage boy who only eats pizza, but we got through it. Going to bed at 9:30 pm on a Friday night didn't hurt either.




(If this is poorly edited and a bit rambly forgive me, I am fighting a nasty stress headache.)                                        


 

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