Holy Mother of God, That Was an Earthquake.

Are my catholic roots showing? They would have been even more visible had I not lost my beautiful Swarovski rosary I was given for my first communion.

As I was laying in bed nursing the baby to sleep (have I mentioned that he is teething, making him a FUCKING NIGHTMARE today?)

These are my thoughts as they happened:

1. Oh, thank you sweet lord he is FINALLY asleep.
2. As soon as his body goes totally limp I am going to move him
3. I hope Doodle went to his room like I asked
4. Ahhh...time to move the baby
5. Ohh wow.. that helicopter is flying low
6. ohh shit my whole bed is moving
7. ohhhh... damn it, the washer is out again
8. Whoa! there is no way my washer is this strong
9. Jesus Mary and Joseph I think its an earthquake
10. FUUUUCCCKKKK! Please don't let the baby wake up!

Looked out the window (nothing else seemed to be moving) I scooped up the baby and went out into the hall. Princess and Doodle were out there and looking scared. I ran down to the stairs and met David in the laundry room, as soon as he turned off the machine the shaking stopped.

"Holy FUCK! Was that the washer?" I asked

"I don't know. It stopped once I turned it off...but the entire basement was moving. All the cabinets downstairs are open."

"Well it could have been. Heavier loads make it shake more, stuff falls off the walls and it moves sideways."
I said

He starts moving the washer around, shaking it , then bracing it against the dryer.

"Man, that's one crazy machine."

I go back upstairs, Princess is upset because a lamp fell off her desk and Doodle is so oblivious he runs back to his bed. I lay back down with the baby and I almost have him back to sleep when David burst into the room " IT WAS A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE!"

"SHH! Get the baby back to sleep."

No I am not worried that the Apocalypse may be upon us, no I am worried that baby gets his nap in. Oh and now that school will be canceled.

I go turn off Princess' lamp explain what happened, promise to keep her as safe as I can and move on to Doodle's room.  He is in bed , wearing a white Easter dress , and playing with one of Picky's trophy's. ( God this kid is WEIRD!) David joins me and asked Doodle if he knew what an earthquake was. Doddle's response?
"It's where the people... they fall off the earth."

Hope everyone is safe (especially since most of my followers are my friends and we live like 20 min away from the blast zone. Is that the right word?) How was your earthquake day?

You Know Your'e a Mom of a Teething Baby When.....

You are willing to listen to ANYTHING that makes him stop screaming. Even this shit:

Because it makes him smile,wave his hands, clap and even dance in his highchair. Now every time it stops he starts screaming again, and expects me to sing and dance for his amusement. UGH! It's the day before school and he expects me to do this till nap time?

Krista is an Idiot

 I know you guys have missed these stories! Here is a fresh one for y'all.

   Today was orientation day at the kids school. We got to meet the teachers and see old friends (I think I looked forward to it more than the kids.Sad I know but most of my friends come to me as moms of their friends. I love you guys!) However this means I had to actually roll out of bed before 9am, (which I didn't. I hit the snooze for over an hour, rolling over periodically and mumbling "I don't wanna wake up")   AND make my self presentable. After surviving (just barely) 3 months with all four of my children I have let certain things go:

1. House
2. Car
3. Social life
4. Legs
5. Bikini area
6. Eyebrows
7. Toe nails

  Since I was going to the orientation no one would notice 1,2,3,5 or7 (unless I pulled a Britney Spears while trying to wrestle a huge bag of school supplies from under the stroller) I decided I needed to only work on 4 and 6. Getting them waxed was out of the question and plucking would have taken too long ( it's been a LONG 3 months) so I decided to use this:

It has two tubes, one is the Nair and one a moisturizer. I separated the two , lest there be any confusion or Doodle get a hold of it (since he likes going through my stuff, and there have been several times he has painted his face or other things with my makeup.) I grabbed the tube that was on the counter , took a Q-Tip and carefully applied the cream, and jumped in the shower to work on number 4. I waited 5minutes before taking a wash cloth and wiping off the cream. I expected to find my fur coming off in clumps... it didn't. GRRR! I thought I hadn't left it on long enough or put enough on. Whatever happened didn't matter, I was still looking like Bert from Sesame Street. My only choice now was to speed pluck, and it hurt like a muthafuka. They looked good enough not to be mistaken for a Furby but now they were swollen. When I went to put on my deodorant on I saw the other tube. Thinking it was the moisturizer I slathered a  THICK  layer to help with the pain. Then I noticed the smell.......

"FUCK!! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK..... FUCK!"

David who was in the shower washing off the stay at home dad smell , was worried. I don't remember his words because I was too busy screaming enough F bombs to blow up the town and hovering over the sink frantically splashing water on my face and rubbing soap in my eyes. When I came up for air I heard him guessing what  had happened, after a few no, no, HELL No's I had calmed down enough to tell him. He busted out laughing (this part might be offensive, we would never say this in public) He said and I quote "HAHAHA You would look like a cancer patient with no eyebrows, I would have to introduce you and say' This is my wife, she has no eyebrows because she is a cancer patient'". Terrible I know but what I said was worse" NO! That's terrible. You should tell people (imagine the scene from 'Borat' where he is taking a class on how to tell a joke) My wife..uh.. she  uh... have a funny..uh..retardation'"

More laughing. He said while we were at the school my eyebrows would peel off like a sticker, and I would have to draw my eyebrows on, like this:

                                                                                this:

this:

                                                                this if I were more creative:

                                                               or face looking like this:

Thankfully I was able to wash the Nair off in time to avoid ANY of the terrible things pictured or mentioned above.Yes, I may have been temporarily blind from the BB&W hand soap I rubbed in my eyes.. but I NAIRoly (hehe) avoided sharpie eyebrows. And this is why I am an idiot, ........this time.

Why I love my Husband.

I am going to start another series on here. This one will not be titled 'Krista is an Idiot' It will be called 'Why I love mt Husband'.


Why do I love this man? Because this morning at 1am he drove to Wawa and bought me one of these:

Chocolate Banana

It was so sweet. So I don't have a man swooning at my feet and buying me flowers nearly as much as I deserve. I do have a man who will pretty much do whatever I ask, at anytime I ask. This little act of love and devotion made me smile. I was smiling, up until I read the calorie count for one of these suckers. Fuck me it was over 1100 calories. But it was sooooo good :)

Don't You Know It's Saturday?

I am seriously going to go on a rampage. Baby, is killing me. Seriously. He is at my feet screaming. Why? Not a fucking clue. But the sound is making me want to claw my eyes out. It's Saturday, you know the weekend. Most people can you know.. rest, have a break from the day to day bull shit that consumes the other 5 days. Yeah not me. I am pretty much stuck doing the same fucking shit because David is either working or wanting to relax. Who is stuck dealing with the kids as per usual? Me. And I am getting pretty fucking fed up. I want a break from the baby too you know. I am going to cry right now I am so overwhelmed. It's not like David is a slack ass. He works an 80 week. So I get it. And the times he does take the baby off my hands I spend it trying to get the things I can't do with a screaming baby on my hips. I would just like an afternoon away, with no kids, and no husband calling me up bitching about the kids. I just want one afternoon, once in a while. I live my life for 5 other people, I just would like the time to live it for me.

Ask Me Anything

Ask me anything and I will reply when I have enough questions for a blog post.

Playing Catch Up

FamiuI have been absent for a few months. Busy. Tons of shit going down. Lots of stories to tell. I have had a few fans people ask when I am going to start writing again, so here I am. I am here. I am , you are, we are here. How Suessian of me. Cut me some slack,  I have survived another summer break in which I have been up to my eyes in the great works of Suess. I have hardy had time to keep the arch in my eyebrows much less blog. I was taking kids to the pool, theme parks, park parks, cleaning, vacations, and loads of keeping my head above water. One thing I did for myself this summer was learning how to sew, and I have been busy with my new obsession. I am redecorating a playroom., so I can put my talents to good use.

Biggest news from this summer??? I got married! I know from my last post it seemed unlikely. In true David form it was totally spontaneous, random and wonderful all wrapped into one. On a Monday night sitting on the patio to Thursday getting married on the patio is how it went. Of course this is after we were right in the middle of planning a wedding, spending loads of dough and canceling it. It quite possibly was the best day of my life. We had some family, some friends and BBQ! I cried, he cried, the kids acted up, it was beautiful. I did everything myself, with the help of friends and family setting up. After everyone left we went out to the deck and danced by the glow of my string light ball thingys ( you know the kind you have at a bbq , think Famous Dave's lighting) I never wanted it to end. (and in my version of heaven I get to have those moments you never want to let go of , over and over) I am getting all weepy just thinking of it. It's true love. Or maybe it's just my hormones, its a sweet thought just the same. Here are some of the pics. ENJOY!

The cake I stayed up till 3am baking and and up to the hour before decorating. I botched the white cake mix. So David saved the day with the emergency FunFetti mix.

Best first kiss.

We are officially a family now.

So happy Stacey could make it. I <3 her!

My neighbor Carrie. I don't know how I would have survived in this house without her.

Whether it be a baking dish, a rake or a babysitter, her family is always there.

Yes, I had paper plates and plastic forks at my wedding. It was so down to earth we could have eaten off the floors (That I scrubbed by hand because I am a tinsy bit OCD).

Not every baby gets to eat his mommy and daddy's FunFetti wedding cake.

Surveying the land. 

And that was the best night of my life!