This morning going into the gym. " Mom."
"Yes Doodle?"
" I have de huge penis!"
Sigh, how do I respond to that.
After nap time.
" Dexter is crying , he is being booty"
" Uh huh thats nice dear."
Monday, January 31, 2011
Busy B(itch)
I think there is something wrong with me. No I am not sick....o.k. ... well maybe in the head. Some reason I hate to be doing nothing.I am sure Ms.Therapist has tons of insight... but at this point in my life I don't want to admit it COULD be a problem. Maybe I am ADD or ADHD, it could be my impulse disorder or it could be all of the above. It could be that I am not ready to think about myself or my life in a critical fashion that isn't self-deprecating. No matter what the reason ( yeah yeah yeah... the reason does matter how else will it be treated,blah blah blah) I am always busy with a capitol B.
Take this weekend for example, I could have had a rather peaceful one since exactly 50% of my children went with their dad (I use this term loosely) and I had the 2 easier kids. One can take care of most his own needs (cue Hallelujah and angels and sparkles and shit) and the other stays in one place and naps almost all day. What does Krista do? HA! This woman decided to take a tour of a venue, make dates at the gym, a therapy appointment, a drawn out disagreement with David, clear off and repaint a china hutch, clean out the basement( Hoarders style) and move in a new executive desk from craigslist. I am in the middle of the last and the weekend has a few more hours in it and I am neither done, nor have I done my normal weekend chores.
Someone hide me from next week. It's scrubbing the house top to bottom and volunteering at the kids school (Yes, you can now say you know the assistant cupcake decorating class teacher ) Then there are of town guests, one of them being my future father in law, HI DAVE!!! And some friend from David's childhood or something. And then there is the gym... but there is a plus side to all of this...CAKE TASTING!!! Next Saturday we are cake tasting for our wedding cake.
Take this weekend for example, I could have had a rather peaceful one since exactly 50% of my children went with their dad (I use this term loosely) and I had the 2 easier kids. One can take care of most his own needs (cue Hallelujah and angels and sparkles and shit) and the other stays in one place and naps almost all day. What does Krista do? HA! This woman decided to take a tour of a venue, make dates at the gym, a therapy appointment, a drawn out disagreement with David, clear off and repaint a china hutch, clean out the basement( Hoarders style) and move in a new executive desk from craigslist. I am in the middle of the last and the weekend has a few more hours in it and I am neither done, nor have I done my normal weekend chores.
Someone hide me from next week. It's scrubbing the house top to bottom and volunteering at the kids school (Yes, you can now say you know the assistant cupcake decorating class teacher ) Then there are of town guests, one of them being my future father in law, HI DAVE!!! And some friend from David's childhood or something. And then there is the gym... but there is a plus side to all of this...CAKE TASTING!!! Next Saturday we are cake tasting for our wedding cake.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Krista is an Idiot
I know! Is it time for Krista is an Idiot already? That's twice in one week!
Remember that party I went to? I bought some things.. I won't share with those of you who aren't in the privileged to be in the know. Anyways David gave me a check. He always looks at the copies on the Internet... Krista knows this tidbit. HEHEHE the other night was no different. Except this time in the memo line I put "For: SEX TOYS". I was tickled pink when he told me this. He didn't find it so amusing that Pedro the bank guy would also see this, as well as many other bank employees. He should have expected as much from me. Anyways this concludes this Krista is an Idiot.
Remember that party I went to? I bought some things.. I won't share with those of you who aren't in the privileged to be in the know. Anyways David gave me a check. He always looks at the copies on the Internet... Krista knows this tidbit. HEHEHE the other night was no different. Except this time in the memo line I put "For: SEX TOYS". I was tickled pink when he told me this. He didn't find it so amusing that Pedro the bank guy would also see this, as well as many other bank employees. He should have expected as much from me. Anyways this concludes this Krista is an Idiot.
Week in Review
Week in review... well close enough anyways.
Monday was dress shopping.... hideous experience to say the least! (Shudder)
Tuesday... eventful day. I Filed for divorce... otherwise come September I would have been a bigamist. Thats some Utah shit if I have heard it. They said it will be 6-8 weeks. YAY! I am pretty happy, it has taken me a lot of therapy to get to this point.
After that I went to the chiropractor to get my fucked up back worked on. For some reason the dude looked way more swole than I remember. I mean really?Really? Anyways after that it was kids and homework and David was busy with work and I didn't feel like cooking so we went to Capitol Ale House.... YUMMY!
Perfect food. Mostly German inspired stuff a fatty like myself would enjoy. And I did thank you. The apple pie... was fan fucking tastic.I seriously took a picture to remember it. ( Holy shit I need to work on my relationship with food.) I got an email from a baker I wanted for my wedding telling me she had one remaining slot for my wedding date and two other women were interested... it only cost me 100 buck to procure her. Sorry bitches Fat Girl is mine!
Wednesday ... It was a fucking shit storm of laundry. Let me let you in on how many loads I do a week....There's mine(2) Davids(2)Picky and Doodle (1) Princess (1) Baby(1) Towels(2) Whites (1) Sheets(8) That's 18 if I did my math right. I did fail algebra I 2.5 times before they put me in the retard class. (oops is that PC? Oh well, fuck it)I got a call. God must have know I was about to put my head into the oven if I have to sort,wash,dry,fold,stack,put away another load of laundry. It was MRS.D! Oh God bless you MRS.D and your day off. I got a trip to hobby AND adult conversation. What a lucky gal I was that day. So what I spent 54 bucks on ribbon and fabric. Oh and it snowed while we were there. Yay.
Thursday, cleaned house and was surprisingly productive for it being a snow day. Got my ass to the gym after a nummy meal of New Orleans style chicken. ( I have monetized this blog,so I don't know if I can say the name) Get home, kids go to bed, baby is a nightmare to get to sleep, get frustrated and fight with David. Just made up with him so its all in a days work.
How was your week in comparison?
Monday was dress shopping.... hideous experience to say the least! (Shudder)
Tuesday... eventful day. I Filed for divorce... otherwise come September I would have been a bigamist. Thats some Utah shit if I have heard it. They said it will be 6-8 weeks. YAY! I am pretty happy, it has taken me a lot of therapy to get to this point.
After that I went to the chiropractor to get my fucked up back worked on. For some reason the dude looked way more swole than I remember. I mean really?Really? Anyways after that it was kids and homework and David was busy with work and I didn't feel like cooking so we went to Capitol Ale House.... YUMMY!
Perfect food. Mostly German inspired stuff a fatty like myself would enjoy. And I did thank you. The apple pie... was fan fucking tastic.I seriously took a picture to remember it. ( Holy shit I need to work on my relationship with food.) I got an email from a baker I wanted for my wedding telling me she had one remaining slot for my wedding date and two other women were interested... it only cost me 100 buck to procure her. Sorry bitches Fat Girl is mine!
Wednesday ... It was a fucking shit storm of laundry. Let me let you in on how many loads I do a week....There's mine(2) Davids(2)Picky and Doodle (1) Princess (1) Baby(1) Towels(2) Whites (1) Sheets(8) That's 18 if I did my math right. I did fail algebra I 2.5 times before they put me in the retard class. (oops is that PC? Oh well, fuck it)I got a call. God must have know I was about to put my head into the oven if I have to sort,wash,dry,fold,stack,put away another load of laundry. It was MRS.D! Oh God bless you MRS.D and your day off. I got a trip to hobby AND adult conversation. What a lucky gal I was that day. So what I spent 54 bucks on ribbon and fabric. Oh and it snowed while we were there. Yay.
Thursday, cleaned house and was surprisingly productive for it being a snow day. Got my ass to the gym after a nummy meal of New Orleans style chicken. ( I have monetized this blog,so I don't know if I can say the name) Get home, kids go to bed, baby is a nightmare to get to sleep, get frustrated and fight with David. Just made up with him so its all in a days work.
How was your week in comparison?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Krista is an Idiot
This is a segment I am going to call "Krista is an Idiot" and it will be an on going series... as long as I am an idiot that is.
Sunday we take the family out for breakfast , our weekly ritual. David turns on the van and turns off the vents as he straps Baby in his seat. I jump in my seat as he buckles into his. He backs down the driveway and starts to our destination.
" Oh my GOD! DAVID! What the hell are you trying to do? Freeze us to DEATH?"
I reach over and turn the vents on full blast... It doesn't help.... FUCK its freezing and now its windy!
"Umm actually, I am trying to do the exact opposite." He reaches over and turns them off.
" Turn them back on! You have to let them blow all the cold air out!"
Uh oh... I see the look on his face.....
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! Honey, the engine has to warm up before it gets warm. Other wise you are just torturing yourself.HAHAHAAHA Thats cute."
DOH!
"HUMPF." (That's me snorting then crossing my arms.)
Yeah.. Krista is an Idiot.
Sunday we take the family out for breakfast , our weekly ritual. David turns on the van and turns off the vents as he straps Baby in his seat. I jump in my seat as he buckles into his. He backs down the driveway and starts to our destination.
" Oh my GOD! DAVID! What the hell are you trying to do? Freeze us to DEATH?"
I reach over and turn the vents on full blast... It doesn't help.... FUCK its freezing and now its windy!
"Umm actually, I am trying to do the exact opposite." He reaches over and turns them off.
" Turn them back on! You have to let them blow all the cold air out!"
Uh oh... I see the look on his face.....
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! Honey, the engine has to warm up before it gets warm. Other wise you are just torturing yourself.HAHAHAAHA Thats cute."
DOH!
"HUMPF." (That's me snorting then crossing my arms.)
Yeah.. Krista is an Idiot.
Here comes the Bride.... errrr.. Sorta
Today was dress shopping day! Nothing like mirrors EVERYWHERE to let you see how much you've let yourself go!A very special shout out goes to my sis LALA, and friend TK. Could not have done it with out you guys... and qdoba all though delicious would have been boring by myself.
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| Dress 1... |
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| Dress 1 Back |
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| Baby! |
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| Dress 2 |
 |
| Dress 2 back |
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| Dress 3 |
 |
| Dress 4 |
 |
| Dress 4 back |
 |
| Dress 5 |
Worst Mom....EVER!
Saturday night was family night. We decided to play a crazy caterpillar game, to work on fine motor skills and hand eye coordination. Picky decided holding one of the arms down to stop it from moving was a good strategy. David caught him out of the corner of his eye...
"PICKY! You can't do that, its cheating."
"Oh NO! I am a cheater! I give uuuuuppppp!" He gets up and runs into the living room repeating, "I am a cheeeeaaattterrr!!!!! I CHEAT!".
I try to cajole him back into the kitchen.
"Honey, come on back in here, it's okay, lets finish the game sweet heart."
"NO! I CAN'T DADDY SAYS I AM A CHEATER!"
I shoot David daggers.
" You know he is a perfectionist, and he acts like this when you criticize him."
" What was I supposed to do? He was cheating."
(Face palm, DOH!) "Couldn't have said it more nicely?"
" Yeah I guess so ... but he was cheating where do we draw the line?"
Great question to ask... but thats too much thinking at this moment.
We both start calling him back ( yeah I know .. who is in charge here? Not us at the moment)
After we have convinced him to come back we all go back to having family fun... until....
"Go Picky! Go Picky! You are neck and neck with daddy! You can do it!"
David and Picky are struggling to get that last marble on the caterpillar hand..... it's down to the wire...... who is going to win....
It's David for the win! (For some reason he made up that he hates to let the kids win... something about teaching them to lose? I am not fooled David! I know it's because you hate to lose.)
UGH , I know where this is going.....
I tell everyone to tell everyone else good game or something to that effect... it goes well until we reach Picky.
"Okay Picky, tell Princess, Doodle and Daddy good game."
"NO! I LOST! I AM A LOSER! I NEVER WIN! "
I am holding him. "Picky, do what I said please."
He slips out of my arms and starts retreating under the table. I go after him, each time he slips out of my reach.
"Picky, come back here and tell everyone good game."
"NO!"
I walk around to the side of the table he is on now.
"I want you to listen to me and do what I have asked."
Things get crazy from here... a whole lotta back talk and screeching from Picky.... I am running out of tools to deal with this. I am at a loss.. I keep talking trying to diffuse the situation ,nothing is working. This is ever more frustrating to me. Finally I have reached my breaking point, I just want this to stop. I reach out and pop him on the mouth. Instantly I recoil, I can feel the guilt piling up inside. I bend down ready to start apologizing .... uh oh.... uh oh.... oh SHIT! I see a small trickle of blood starting to seep out of the corners of his mouth.
OH MY GOD! I hardly made contact with his mouth... WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MY BABY! The sound of the tap hardly made a sound , and now there is BLOOD!
" Hold Still Picky.I see some blood...."
"BLOOD! OH GOD, OH GOD . You made me bleeding!."
"It's ok let Mommy look at it babe."
I look inside and I find the source of the blood... there is now a gaping hole that once held a tiny baby tooth.
"It's not so bad... the tooth that is loose finally came out."
" WHAT?!?!? You made me lose my tooth!"
Now I know there is a missing tooth , I have to find this damn thing. Frantically I am searching on the black rug , should be easy right? Not on this food encrusted thing. All the kids are frantic now, Princess and Doodle and screaming with Picky . UGH! Not only did I tap Picky on the mouth and knock out his loose tooth... I can't find the fucking thing. After 5 minutes of looking I still can't find it. It then occurs to me he probably swallowed it.
"Picky honey, I think you may have swallowed it."
"How will the tooth fairy get it now!"
This is what he is most worried about now?
Thank God for David he jumps in and tells him the tooth fairy will use her magic to get it out. Thankfully Picky buys it.
I Can't take anymore right now. I can't deal with the kids. I am too wrapped up in my own self doubt and guilt, I have to walk out the front door. I feel like the lowest piece of shit in the world right about now. I hate spanking and the like. I think it's wrong and doesn't teach the children how to manage their emotions properly. I think it teaches them yelling or hitting is ok. I try to stay away from it at all costs. I sit on the top step hugging my knees and start softly crying. What I just did in my eyes is unacceptable. I love my kids with everything I have.. and this is what I did in a moment of desperation.
It's freezing out here on the porch... my ass cheeks are starting to get numb. I don't want to go in until the kids are in bed. Now on top of everything... I am a coward.. God get it together woman! It takes me a while but I gather up the courage to go back in. Thank God.. yet again I have such a great man on my team. He gets them ready for bed and comes back to the kitchen , when I am standing at the sink feeling sick to my stomach.
He comes to me and embraces me and tells me it's okay. He loves me, and that I am not the worst mom in the world. In fact he thinks me feeling this way and trying to figure out how to keep it from happening again , makes me an even better mom. How did I find someone to love me , even when I can't?
Sigh... I will save the "Why David is too Good for Me Blog" for another day.
Please don't judge.. I have already beat myself up enough.
"PICKY! You can't do that, its cheating."
"Oh NO! I am a cheater! I give uuuuuppppp!" He gets up and runs into the living room repeating, "I am a cheeeeaaattterrr!!!!! I CHEAT!".
I try to cajole him back into the kitchen.
"Honey, come on back in here, it's okay, lets finish the game sweet heart."
"NO! I CAN'T DADDY SAYS I AM A CHEATER!"
I shoot David daggers.
" You know he is a perfectionist, and he acts like this when you criticize him."
" What was I supposed to do? He was cheating."
(Face palm, DOH!) "Couldn't have said it more nicely?"
" Yeah I guess so ... but he was cheating where do we draw the line?"
Great question to ask... but thats too much thinking at this moment.
We both start calling him back ( yeah I know .. who is in charge here? Not us at the moment)
After we have convinced him to come back we all go back to having family fun... until....
"Go Picky! Go Picky! You are neck and neck with daddy! You can do it!"
David and Picky are struggling to get that last marble on the caterpillar hand..... it's down to the wire...... who is going to win....
It's David for the win! (For some reason he made up that he hates to let the kids win... something about teaching them to lose? I am not fooled David! I know it's because you hate to lose.)
UGH , I know where this is going.....
I tell everyone to tell everyone else good game or something to that effect... it goes well until we reach Picky.
"Okay Picky, tell Princess, Doodle and Daddy good game."
"NO! I LOST! I AM A LOSER! I NEVER WIN! "
I am holding him. "Picky, do what I said please."
He slips out of my arms and starts retreating under the table. I go after him, each time he slips out of my reach.
"Picky, come back here and tell everyone good game."
"NO!"
I walk around to the side of the table he is on now.
"I want you to listen to me and do what I have asked."
Things get crazy from here... a whole lotta back talk and screeching from Picky.... I am running out of tools to deal with this. I am at a loss.. I keep talking trying to diffuse the situation ,nothing is working. This is ever more frustrating to me. Finally I have reached my breaking point, I just want this to stop. I reach out and pop him on the mouth. Instantly I recoil, I can feel the guilt piling up inside. I bend down ready to start apologizing .... uh oh.... uh oh.... oh SHIT! I see a small trickle of blood starting to seep out of the corners of his mouth.
OH MY GOD! I hardly made contact with his mouth... WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MY BABY! The sound of the tap hardly made a sound , and now there is BLOOD!
" Hold Still Picky.I see some blood...."
"BLOOD! OH GOD, OH GOD . You made me bleeding!."
"It's ok let Mommy look at it babe."
I look inside and I find the source of the blood... there is now a gaping hole that once held a tiny baby tooth.
"It's not so bad... the tooth that is loose finally came out."
" WHAT?!?!? You made me lose my tooth!"
Now I know there is a missing tooth , I have to find this damn thing. Frantically I am searching on the black rug , should be easy right? Not on this food encrusted thing. All the kids are frantic now, Princess and Doodle and screaming with Picky . UGH! Not only did I tap Picky on the mouth and knock out his loose tooth... I can't find the fucking thing. After 5 minutes of looking I still can't find it. It then occurs to me he probably swallowed it.
"Picky honey, I think you may have swallowed it."
"How will the tooth fairy get it now!"
This is what he is most worried about now?
Thank God for David he jumps in and tells him the tooth fairy will use her magic to get it out. Thankfully Picky buys it.
I Can't take anymore right now. I can't deal with the kids. I am too wrapped up in my own self doubt and guilt, I have to walk out the front door. I feel like the lowest piece of shit in the world right about now. I hate spanking and the like. I think it's wrong and doesn't teach the children how to manage their emotions properly. I think it teaches them yelling or hitting is ok. I try to stay away from it at all costs. I sit on the top step hugging my knees and start softly crying. What I just did in my eyes is unacceptable. I love my kids with everything I have.. and this is what I did in a moment of desperation.
It's freezing out here on the porch... my ass cheeks are starting to get numb. I don't want to go in until the kids are in bed. Now on top of everything... I am a coward.. God get it together woman! It takes me a while but I gather up the courage to go back in. Thank God.. yet again I have such a great man on my team. He gets them ready for bed and comes back to the kitchen , when I am standing at the sink feeling sick to my stomach.
He comes to me and embraces me and tells me it's okay. He loves me, and that I am not the worst mom in the world. In fact he thinks me feeling this way and trying to figure out how to keep it from happening again , makes me an even better mom. How did I find someone to love me , even when I can't?
Sigh... I will save the "Why David is too Good for Me Blog" for another day.
Please don't judge.. I have already beat myself up enough.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Ohh My.
A few weeks ago I was invited to a "Slumber Party". I was hesitant to accept the invite via Facebook, I mean I have never been to one. I had tons of questions running through my mind " What do you do there?" , " Do you wear pajamas?" , " Can I make it though the night without peeing my pants laughing?" I told David and asked his opinion.
" Sure, go ahead , it will be fun for you to get out of the house and away from the kids."
" REALLY?What am I supposed to do at one of these things?"
" Bring a camera and take a picture. You know just in case there is any lesbian stuff that goes on."
I looked at him with my mouth hanging open...then I slap his arm.
"DAVID! You perv, that's gross!."
Since becoming a mom I have kinda put sexuality on the back burner. Almost to the point of being prudish, this should be interesting.
The day finally comes, and my friend AC comes by my house to pick me up. We drive over to the house where it is being held. We walk in right as they are getting started, grab some appropriately themed snacks....little wieners wrapped in bread, baguettes with sliced cucumbers on top and cupcakes with little penises and boobs on them. The spread was truly adorable. I go and get settled in as they start showing off the products. The table is set up with all kinds of bottles and tubes, they look very benign.Until they start explaining them. For the most part I can't stop giggling and making silly comments. I couldn't help myself! They were trying to sell me things like nipple tingling cream that doubles as chapstick, shaving cream for (the lady parts) that double as conditoner ( excuse me .. there is no way I am applying something called "Coochie" to my hair... thats on my head)and anal numbing cream that doubles as a tooth pain reliever.....umm yeaaa.. NO. They pull out this candle that melts into a massaging wax... picture the Ricky Martin "Living La Vida Loca" music video. Sorry these things just don't fit into my get it anytime, anywhere before the kids find us sex life. After this it is time for a break.
When we came back they had taken the very mild creams and lotions off the table and replaced them with some very, ahem, well lets just use out imaginations here. I am blushing now as I think about them. Some were brightly colored and non threatening. Some were... OH MY! After some joking about the ...hehehe.... "DOUBLE HEADER" hehehe.... ( imagine me right now giggling till I snort) The woman running this thing informs us it's time for a game. Yay! I love games! I am so competitive; I just know I am going to win whatever this is.
" OKAY! Game time!" She reaches to the table...(oh god, no she isn't.... oh yes she is.. OH LOWRD)
She grabs the MONSTER (EEEKKK!!!)
( What the hell did I sign up for???)
The gist of the game: Get in a circle of other slightly tipsy women, place this... mammoth thing between the first woman's legs, and pass it from person to person without using your hands.. until the music stops. Kinda like.... musical chairs but with a (......hehehehe....DOUBLE HEADER....hehehe)
The game begins and goes on until it is between me and another woman.. down to the wire... go me , go me, go me..
Music stops and I still have it between my legs.... OWWW lost it. Better luck next time.
The evening ends, snacking on the left over food and chatting before going home. All in all it was ... not as vanilla as the rest of my life. (Who am I kidding , the last thing my life is vanilla.. but you get the picture.)
" Sure, go ahead , it will be fun for you to get out of the house and away from the kids."
" REALLY?What am I supposed to do at one of these things?"
" Bring a camera and take a picture. You know just in case there is any lesbian stuff that goes on."
I looked at him with my mouth hanging open...then I slap his arm.
"DAVID! You perv, that's gross!."
Since becoming a mom I have kinda put sexuality on the back burner. Almost to the point of being prudish, this should be interesting.
The day finally comes, and my friend AC comes by my house to pick me up. We drive over to the house where it is being held. We walk in right as they are getting started, grab some appropriately themed snacks....little wieners wrapped in bread, baguettes with sliced cucumbers on top and cupcakes with little penises and boobs on them. The spread was truly adorable. I go and get settled in as they start showing off the products. The table is set up with all kinds of bottles and tubes, they look very benign.Until they start explaining them. For the most part I can't stop giggling and making silly comments. I couldn't help myself! They were trying to sell me things like nipple tingling cream that doubles as chapstick, shaving cream for (the lady parts) that double as conditoner ( excuse me .. there is no way I am applying something called "Coochie" to my hair... thats on my head)and anal numbing cream that doubles as a tooth pain reliever.....umm yeaaa.. NO. They pull out this candle that melts into a massaging wax... picture the Ricky Martin "Living La Vida Loca" music video. Sorry these things just don't fit into my get it anytime, anywhere before the kids find us sex life. After this it is time for a break.
When we came back they had taken the very mild creams and lotions off the table and replaced them with some very, ahem, well lets just use out imaginations here. I am blushing now as I think about them. Some were brightly colored and non threatening. Some were... OH MY! After some joking about the ...hehehe.... "DOUBLE HEADER" hehehe.... ( imagine me right now giggling till I snort) The woman running this thing informs us it's time for a game. Yay! I love games! I am so competitive; I just know I am going to win whatever this is.
" OKAY! Game time!" She reaches to the table...(oh god, no she isn't.... oh yes she is.. OH LOWRD)
She grabs the MONSTER (EEEKKK!!!)
( What the hell did I sign up for???)
The gist of the game: Get in a circle of other slightly tipsy women, place this... mammoth thing between the first woman's legs, and pass it from person to person without using your hands.. until the music stops. Kinda like.... musical chairs but with a (......hehehehe....DOUBLE HEADER....hehehe)
The game begins and goes on until it is between me and another woman.. down to the wire... go me , go me, go me..
Music stops and I still have it between my legs.... OWWW lost it. Better luck next time.
The evening ends, snacking on the left over food and chatting before going home. All in all it was ... not as vanilla as the rest of my life. (Who am I kidding , the last thing my life is vanilla.. but you get the picture.)
Saturday, January 22, 2011
The Loser Bawling on the Elliptical
Greetings from the elliptical! I am here at the gym... sweating it out because dress shopping day is Monday. I wanted to give up 45 min ago, but making snarky observations has kept me busy. Here in the cardio section it's like a giant orgy at lunchtime. Seriously, it's a bunch of people getting hot and sweaty together, grunting and panting. Dude.. the walls are sex red , thats all you need to know. All this happening to songs by the Stones, Hendrix and (shudder) The Doors. Thats whats going on in my ears at least.
Anyways here I am humping it (nice play on words,huh?) up hill (incline.. whatever) when all of the sudden Simon and Garfunkle's "Sounds of Silence" comes on.
OKAY... breathe.... breathe....
My eyes start misting up.
Keep cool....Keep cool... breathe...
I can't help but being emotional while hearing this song. This was one of the songs David and I listened to while painting Baby's nursery, another tear jerker from that night? Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide".
I start mouthing the lyrics, going back to that late night in September. I can still see it, Baby stretching and kicking, the open window even though it was 90f outside. David carefully taping,cutting and rolling the room while I keep him company. The smell of fresh paint, clear as if it where happening now.
Okay loser keep it together! You don't want anyone to notice
......WHEW!...... Thank God that's over, next song........
FUCK!!!!!!
It's "Over the Rainbow/ What a Wonderful World" by that fat hawiian guy. Now there is no way I am getting out of the water works.
Okay.. breathe... breathe.... nope.. noooo!!!!
My eyelids are burning , stinging. Face scrunching up...
The first tear escapes... then another ...
Fuck it, Here we go. I am still running but now there is a slideshow of my kids and David flooding my brain.
Run, tear, run, tear .... wipe eyes, run, run , more tears wipe.
Oh no, now people are starting to stare, but I don't care. I am too wrapped up in the snapshots in my head. Now I am in a full blown sniffling , snotty, ugly cry.
Red eyes, snot running tears jerking ..
Okay.Whew.. its over,whats next?
"Candle in the Wind". What is up with this station I created!?!?! Next station! Next station!!
So yeah , I am that emotional crying woman now. Damn you therapy(shaking fists at the sky) Now instead of suppressing and turning to anger... I FEEL things now.
And now I cry on ellipticals looking like a mentally deranged person. But I don't care... I am happy.
As I conclude this , "Let it Be" is playing, I never changed the station . Perfect here come more tears.
Anyways here I am humping it (nice play on words,huh?) up hill (incline.. whatever) when all of the sudden Simon and Garfunkle's "Sounds of Silence" comes on.
OKAY... breathe.... breathe....
My eyes start misting up.
Keep cool....Keep cool... breathe...
I can't help but being emotional while hearing this song. This was one of the songs David and I listened to while painting Baby's nursery, another tear jerker from that night? Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide".
I start mouthing the lyrics, going back to that late night in September. I can still see it, Baby stretching and kicking, the open window even though it was 90f outside. David carefully taping,cutting and rolling the room while I keep him company. The smell of fresh paint, clear as if it where happening now.
Okay loser keep it together! You don't want anyone to notice
......WHEW!...... Thank God that's over, next song........
FUCK!!!!!!
It's "Over the Rainbow/ What a Wonderful World" by that fat hawiian guy. Now there is no way I am getting out of the water works.
Okay.. breathe... breathe.... nope.. noooo!!!!
My eyelids are burning , stinging. Face scrunching up...
The first tear escapes... then another ...
Fuck it, Here we go. I am still running but now there is a slideshow of my kids and David flooding my brain.
Run, tear, run, tear .... wipe eyes, run, run , more tears wipe.
Oh no, now people are starting to stare, but I don't care. I am too wrapped up in the snapshots in my head. Now I am in a full blown sniffling , snotty, ugly cry.
Red eyes, snot running tears jerking ..
Okay.Whew.. its over,whats next?
"Candle in the Wind". What is up with this station I created!?!?! Next station! Next station!!
So yeah , I am that emotional crying woman now. Damn you therapy(shaking fists at the sky) Now instead of suppressing and turning to anger... I FEEL things now.
And now I cry on ellipticals looking like a mentally deranged person. But I don't care... I am happy.
As I conclude this , "Let it Be" is playing, I never changed the station . Perfect here come more tears.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thank You
This morning I am starting out on a more serious note. ( Don't worry, those of you who know me , know it's fleeting at best)
The other night this song by Muse came on the radio, it is title "Undisclosed Desires". I usually flip past it because I am not a huge Muse fan, but this night David was next to me and turned it up. ( I hate it when he uses my radio rules against me" Driver has ultimate control over the radio")
" I like this song, it reminds me of you."
" Umm why?" because all I hear right now is whining and we all know how well I deal with that.
" Just listen to it. It talks about the violence in a woman's heart...."
I don't like where this is going.
" You were a very angry and unhappy woman when I met you.."
Don't go there... don't go there...
"But I saw how beautiful and innocent you were behind it all. The abuses you suffered in your past, and I wanted to fix you. I get to see the real you."
From here on out it gets mushy and some tear are shed. I won't bore you with the details,but that's the gist of it.
The reason I bring this up is that I heard it in the car again this morning and truly listened to the lyrics. I was on the way home from dropping Picky at school. I thought about the words and what David had said to me the other night. My life was very different just 4 years ago, and I have David to thank for that. He found me at the very bottom and has supported me while I have built myself into who I want to be. I was angry,lonely, abused and on the edge of giving up. He became my friend, and listened to me and the things I had to say. He didn't judge me. His intentions when we first met were not as pure as they are now. He had just come from a long term relationship and was using women to fill the void it had left within him. I was using sex to feel loved and wanted, desired if you will. We were two very broken people who came together, and fell in lust. One day things change for the both of us.
I left my husband for him. I knew it was for the best. I had been looking for an escape since the first year of marriage. He has seen me at my best, and held me through my worst and still loved me at the end. He has made me want to be a better person. I love him with every inch of my being. He changed my life in so many beautiful ways, I don't think I will ever be able to thank him enough. I am now a more wholesome, happy version of myself. I have so many more opportunities that I wouldn't have thought possible in the past. I just wanted to take some space on here to thank him, and let him know how much I love him.
Now I have to get the hell off here, I am late for the gym.... damn emotions.
LOVE YA DAVID! Oh... don't forget it's BINGO night for the kids.
The other night this song by Muse came on the radio, it is title "Undisclosed Desires". I usually flip past it because I am not a huge Muse fan, but this night David was next to me and turned it up. ( I hate it when he uses my radio rules against me" Driver has ultimate control over the radio")
" I like this song, it reminds me of you."
" Umm why?" because all I hear right now is whining and we all know how well I deal with that.
" Just listen to it. It talks about the violence in a woman's heart...."
I don't like where this is going.
" You were a very angry and unhappy woman when I met you.."
Don't go there... don't go there...
"But I saw how beautiful and innocent you were behind it all. The abuses you suffered in your past, and I wanted to fix you. I get to see the real you."
From here on out it gets mushy and some tear are shed. I won't bore you with the details,but that's the gist of it.
The reason I bring this up is that I heard it in the car again this morning and truly listened to the lyrics. I was on the way home from dropping Picky at school. I thought about the words and what David had said to me the other night. My life was very different just 4 years ago, and I have David to thank for that. He found me at the very bottom and has supported me while I have built myself into who I want to be. I was angry,lonely, abused and on the edge of giving up. He became my friend, and listened to me and the things I had to say. He didn't judge me. His intentions when we first met were not as pure as they are now. He had just come from a long term relationship and was using women to fill the void it had left within him. I was using sex to feel loved and wanted, desired if you will. We were two very broken people who came together, and fell in lust. One day things change for the both of us.
I left my husband for him. I knew it was for the best. I had been looking for an escape since the first year of marriage. He has seen me at my best, and held me through my worst and still loved me at the end. He has made me want to be a better person. I love him with every inch of my being. He changed my life in so many beautiful ways, I don't think I will ever be able to thank him enough. I am now a more wholesome, happy version of myself. I have so many more opportunities that I wouldn't have thought possible in the past. I just wanted to take some space on here to thank him, and let him know how much I love him.
Now I have to get the hell off here, I am late for the gym.... damn emotions.
LOVE YA DAVID! Oh... don't forget it's BINGO night for the kids.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Why did I do this again?
I am sitting here trying to write a thought out blog diving into my lack of design in my living room, and you would think the fucking house was caving in.The baby is in the floor for tummy time screaming. Doodle is poking him and yelling in his face"BABY! STOP CRYING." Princess is in my face "When can I spit out the cough drop? It burns! It's so hot and spicy."
"Princess. We are going out to dinner go get dressed."
She goes up and comes down in lime green sweat pants and her "pretty in pink.tough in uniform" soccer shirt.
"Princess, I said get dressed."
" I AM!"
"In the clothes on your desk."
"WHAAA HAHA! Why?"
"BECAUSE I SAID SO!" I know , wrong but I was desperate. Don't judge me.
I am helping Picky with his homework at the same time, and the moment my fingers hit the keyboard he jumps up screaming " I CANT DO THIS! FINE I AM RUNNING AWAY!" I call for him to come back and finish his homework or else he won't join us in the report card celebration dinner. " ARRRGGGG!!! BUT I NEEED HELP SPELLING "SWIRLING"!
"I can't help you until you are sitting down and stop whining."
"Doodle, go get dressed."
"But I already am."
Shit not this AGAIN! "Go get some pants and a shirt on, or you are going in your sleeper."
"OKAY! ALRIGHT ALREADY." Where does he get this shit?
Oh... right...Moving right along.
"Princess, go get Daddy. See if he is ready.Please and Thank You."
David comes up the stairs, "Is there anything I can do to help?" God, I love this man.
"Yes, brush Princess' hair please."
Moments later I hear her wailing in her room. There is a reason I chose to give this chore to him.(insert evil grin here)
I am getting "WAAHHH, WAAAHHHH" from all fronts. All I am thinking is good GOD! Are you 18 yet?
Now its time to feed Baby before he bursts a vein.
"Princess. We are going out to dinner go get dressed."
She goes up and comes down in lime green sweat pants and her "pretty in pink.tough in uniform" soccer shirt.
"Princess, I said get dressed."
" I AM!"
"In the clothes on your desk."
"WHAAA HAHA! Why?"
"BECAUSE I SAID SO!" I know , wrong but I was desperate. Don't judge me.
I am helping Picky with his homework at the same time, and the moment my fingers hit the keyboard he jumps up screaming " I CANT DO THIS! FINE I AM RUNNING AWAY!" I call for him to come back and finish his homework or else he won't join us in the report card celebration dinner. " ARRRGGGG!!! BUT I NEEED HELP SPELLING "SWIRLING"!
"I can't help you until you are sitting down and stop whining."
"Doodle, go get dressed."
"But I already am."
Shit not this AGAIN! "Go get some pants and a shirt on, or you are going in your sleeper."
"OKAY! ALRIGHT ALREADY." Where does he get this shit?
Oh... right...Moving right along.
"Princess, go get Daddy. See if he is ready.Please and Thank You."
David comes up the stairs, "Is there anything I can do to help?" God, I love this man.
"Yes, brush Princess' hair please."
Moments later I hear her wailing in her room. There is a reason I chose to give this chore to him.(insert evil grin here)
I am getting "WAAHHH, WAAAHHHH" from all fronts. All I am thinking is good GOD! Are you 18 yet?
Now its time to feed Baby before he bursts a vein.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
LOST: My sexy
Mail time is huge in our house, most of the pay checks from the business come this way. So you can see why mail time is a big deal. Today is no different, I hear the mail truck and yell down for David. I put on my slippers and walk out there with him. Its nice, if just for a moment, to be alone with him. We open the mail box and I reach in and pull out the mail. I hand it to David and he starts sorting though it.
"Mine, Yours, Mine, Yours"
In his stack bills,bills,bills, junk, and MONEY!
In mine? Life insurance solicitations for Baby, notification of an open house at a Montessori school we looked into, Yankee Candle catalog ( YES!) and Fredericks of Hollywood.
The first 2 get ripped up post haste, the third gets first dibs on my time and the last... ugh. Why am I even getting this!?! I look though quickly and I think to myself "Who wears this shit? Why?"
Uh Oh. I immediately realize I have lost my sexy. This is not good. I still carry on a more than healthy sex life (amazingly enough) but seeing these women in these tiny little string suits? It makes me wonder if I am missing something.
I am lucky if I get to shower and shave my legs before getting to business. Hell, ask David, its a treat when I scrape the spit up off and get out of breast milk stained clothes. When would someone have time do even put on one of those complicated contraptions much less get out of it? I mean the few things that I do own, don't stay on long enough to justify the cost, let alone the time.
Thats it, That is it! I have lost my sexy. Poor David. Thank God he loves me, in sickness and in health, for richer and richer, and most importantly sexy or not.
Where oh where did my sexy go?
Ice Day. WTF?!?! Part Two
The rest of the day wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. David and I had a business meeting this morning (Yes I totally snarfed down a Hardee's egg and cheese biscuit before it) Ugh I really need to stop emotionally eating. I am trying on wedding dresses in a week. When we got home it was already nap time( the most glorious time of the day!)
Around 2:30 I start getting hungry again I eat some food bar thats supposed to keep you"FULL".
What a crock! 15 minutes later I am still hungry and it is time to wake up the kids and get them ready to go to the gym with me. There is no way I am going to make it to the gym by 3 now( at my gym any baby under a year needs an appointment).What do I do? Fuck it, I'm eating. Getting the kids up, dressed , and in the car is a hassle anyways. I can't just leave them hanging. So I call them, I make up an excuse ( I can't tell them I am a fatty who chose eating over coming in)
" Hi , This is Baby's mom. We had an appointment today which we won't be able to make. He is sick. I am so sorry we can't come in today."
"Okay. Let me see here... ah there you are... Baby ... at 7pm. So do you want to keep tomorrows appointment?"
"No go ahead and keep that. Thanks so much."
" Thank you, We really appreciate the call!"
DOH! I am an idiot. If I had know I had all those hours left to procrastinate and dread coming in I wouldn't have canceled.
After this I veg for a bit before trudging upstairs to wake the kids. I am only waking them up because if I wait any longer Doodle will poop the bed and not nursing since 1 my boobs feel like they are going to burst. I get the kids snacks and Baby fed. Princess has been harassing me to start a scrapbook she recieved for her birthday. Today is just as good a day as any. Sitting down with her and doing this made us both happy.
Seeing her getting into scrapbooking was a nice experience, since I also enjoy it. When she was talking about it at dinner she said " Dad, Mommy and me did some crap today." The boys burst out in giggles.
"Allie don't talk like that."
" I think she meant 'CRAFTS' David ."
Dinner time is always an event.
Around 2:30 I start getting hungry again I eat some food bar thats supposed to keep you"FULL".
What a crock! 15 minutes later I am still hungry and it is time to wake up the kids and get them ready to go to the gym with me. There is no way I am going to make it to the gym by 3 now( at my gym any baby under a year needs an appointment).What do I do? Fuck it, I'm eating. Getting the kids up, dressed , and in the car is a hassle anyways. I can't just leave them hanging. So I call them, I make up an excuse ( I can't tell them I am a fatty who chose eating over coming in)
" Hi , This is Baby's mom. We had an appointment today which we won't be able to make. He is sick. I am so sorry we can't come in today."
"Okay. Let me see here... ah there you are... Baby ... at 7pm. So do you want to keep tomorrows appointment?"
"No go ahead and keep that. Thanks so much."
" Thank you, We really appreciate the call!"
DOH! I am an idiot. If I had know I had all those hours left to procrastinate and dread coming in I wouldn't have canceled.
After this I veg for a bit before trudging upstairs to wake the kids. I am only waking them up because if I wait any longer Doodle will poop the bed and not nursing since 1 my boobs feel like they are going to burst. I get the kids snacks and Baby fed. Princess has been harassing me to start a scrapbook she recieved for her birthday. Today is just as good a day as any. Sitting down with her and doing this made us both happy.
Seeing her getting into scrapbooking was a nice experience, since I also enjoy it. When she was talking about it at dinner she said " Dad, Mommy and me did some crap today." The boys burst out in giggles.
"Allie don't talk like that."
" I think she meant 'CRAFTS' David ."
Dinner time is always an event.
Ice Day. WTF?!?! Part One
I have been up for about 30 minuets officially. I have, however, been up many times since going to bed last night.
The kids are out of school because of some ice *cough*BULLSHIT*cough*. Two of the kids have coughs meaning its a "Snow Day" cracked out and hopped up on 'roids. Thanks makers of Albuterol I like it when my kids can breathe and all but do they have to run around like little crack fiends? Could your next formula make them drowsy? It's going to be a long day after a long night.
Princess and Doodle came home from Scumbags with fevers and coughs ( like hacking up a lung kind). All night long I hear *cough cough cough, hack hack , cough cough * I gave Princess her Rx and Doodle a new Rx, since he has never had it before I am convinced he will have an allergic reaction or OD and die in his sleep. Laying in bed all I can do is let my anxiety disorder take over. So I slide out of bed as soon as David starts snoring, tip toeing down the wood floors is near impossible. Doodle is in the bed , motionless.
OH MY GOD! He's DEAD!
*COUGH COUGH COUGH HACK HACK*
Whew! Dodged a bullet this time. I crawl into the tiny twin bed next to him. He turns to face me ... (aww he is looking cute and sweet right now, he's going in for a hug... maybe a kiss, and an I love you?)
*COUGH COUGH COUGH HACK HACK HACK COUGH*
OOOOhhhhh! Right in the face!
This is pretty much how it goes as long as I am in his bed. Finally around 3 in the morning I can't take any more. I get up give him a glass of water and slip into my own bed.
Ahhhh! nice cool sheets, dark quiet room... sleeeeeepp..... zzzzzzzz....
WAAAHHHH WAAAHHHH WAHHHHH !!!!!
Damn it! I just fell asleep. If I lay here long enough maybe David will wake up soon and get him. I hope.
I feel him stir... wait for it... wait for it....
"Sweet Heart? The baby needs to be nursed"
Mumble, mumble.
" I am going to change him so you can nurse him, okay?"
SCORE! " Yes dear"
As soon as he is done nursing, I gently nudge David ( he would tell you violently kicked. Tomato, Tahmato, right?)
"Put the baby away, pluhleeezzee"
GROAN "OKAY"
"Thanks babe" I finally settle in getting a good two hours sleep before....
WAaAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, WAAAAHHHHHH, WAAAHHHHH!
Again? REALLY Baby? What happened to my baby who slept from 9pm-8am
David gets up this time with little prodding knowing it's time to go to work anyways. I nurse the baby and David goes off to work...the commute is killer.. two whole flights of stairs. Ugh its 530am, I am not even going to bother putting Baby in the bed. I keep him in bed with me and he nurses at least one more time before we get up.
Once we get up it's time for breathing treatments.. and that means kids basically spinning their wheels , literally. I am being bombarded with request, demands, fits of whining and someone bum rushing the bathroom I am using and pulling their pants down wanting to "pee wif mee".
This is going to be a long day, wish me luck.
The kids are out of school because of some ice *cough*BULLSHIT*cough*. Two of the kids have coughs meaning its a "Snow Day" cracked out and hopped up on 'roids. Thanks makers of Albuterol I like it when my kids can breathe and all but do they have to run around like little crack fiends? Could your next formula make them drowsy? It's going to be a long day after a long night.
Princess and Doodle came home from Scumbags with fevers and coughs ( like hacking up a lung kind). All night long I hear *cough cough cough, hack hack , cough cough * I gave Princess her Rx and Doodle a new Rx, since he has never had it before I am convinced he will have an allergic reaction or OD and die in his sleep. Laying in bed all I can do is let my anxiety disorder take over. So I slide out of bed as soon as David starts snoring, tip toeing down the wood floors is near impossible. Doodle is in the bed , motionless.
OH MY GOD! He's DEAD!
*COUGH COUGH COUGH HACK HACK*
Whew! Dodged a bullet this time. I crawl into the tiny twin bed next to him. He turns to face me ... (aww he is looking cute and sweet right now, he's going in for a hug... maybe a kiss, and an I love you?)
*COUGH COUGH COUGH HACK HACK HACK COUGH*
OOOOhhhhh! Right in the face!
This is pretty much how it goes as long as I am in his bed. Finally around 3 in the morning I can't take any more. I get up give him a glass of water and slip into my own bed.
Ahhhh! nice cool sheets, dark quiet room... sleeeeeepp..... zzzzzzzz....
WAAAHHHH WAAAHHHH WAHHHHH !!!!!
Damn it! I just fell asleep. If I lay here long enough maybe David will wake up soon and get him. I hope.
I feel him stir... wait for it... wait for it....
"Sweet Heart? The baby needs to be nursed"
Mumble, mumble.
" I am going to change him so you can nurse him, okay?"
SCORE! " Yes dear"
As soon as he is done nursing, I gently nudge David ( he would tell you violently kicked. Tomato, Tahmato, right?)
"Put the baby away, pluhleeezzee"
GROAN "OKAY"
"Thanks babe" I finally settle in getting a good two hours sleep before....
WAaAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, WAAAAHHHHHH, WAAAHHHHH!
Again? REALLY Baby? What happened to my baby who slept from 9pm-8am
David gets up this time with little prodding knowing it's time to go to work anyways. I nurse the baby and David goes off to work...the commute is killer.. two whole flights of stairs. Ugh its 530am, I am not even going to bother putting Baby in the bed. I keep him in bed with me and he nurses at least one more time before we get up.
Once we get up it's time for breathing treatments.. and that means kids basically spinning their wheels , literally. I am being bombarded with request, demands, fits of whining and someone bum rushing the bathroom I am using and pulling their pants down wanting to "pee wif mee".
This is going to be a long day, wish me luck.
Monday, January 17, 2011
My First Blog
Welcome to my blog! I have been tossing around the idea for a while, and I finally gave in. Not because I have a cause per se.... I just have a big mouth and not enough ears to listen to it. I am a character and I hope I am able to convey that through this blog. I have been told by several people that I need to write a book based on my life. My mom thinks it should be something along the lines of a Lifetime movie, and a few of my friends think it should be a comedy. I tend to agree with my friends. The events in my life have been tragic, and the only thing that keeps me from falling to pieces is my ability to turn things into a joke (or at least try to.) So sit back, grab a box of tissues and a snack or two (share some with me!) and enjoy.
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